I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
