I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's like heaven, but drunker
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
