Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
