just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
