note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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