Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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