Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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