You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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