I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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