Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
