theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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