Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
