My friends, they love my intelligence
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize