zippers are such a cool invention
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
