Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
