In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
