his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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