Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
