Swine flu. Run for my life!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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