She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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