I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize