so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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