It's Friday. Sex?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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