phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
