White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She even gives head with a lisp.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize