Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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