it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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