what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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