why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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