That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
