My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize