oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this beer tastes like vomit already
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
