and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
