She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
