dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize