pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
