what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
