Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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