the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
