Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
