Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They took my balls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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