I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We got so high we made milksteak
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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