i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
