I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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