He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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