youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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