I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
