We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
