speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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