My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
