i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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