Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
