She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All the doctor said was why
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
