we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
