I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
