My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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