Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
