I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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