I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
