when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
