she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
