does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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