I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
