the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
